A Slutty Little Sammie

Parmesan Crusted Portobello Mushroom, French Brie, Caramelised Onions & Pickled Radish

It’s almost a full moon, I’m on the brink of my bleed, and I’m tenderly recovering from a sweet little Friday night soirée at my place. The week has been an emotional cocktail—pre-menstrual, hormonal, a bit feral—and all I’ve wanted is something naughty. Decadent. Something that whispers, “You deserve this.”

Enter: a post-party fridge forage. A fat wedge of French brie left over by Queen Virginia, some cheeky pickled radishes, and half a baguette left over from the night before. I floated down to my local farmers’ market (hungover, yes, but cute), and locked eyes with some glossy, voluptuous portobello mushrooms and a fistful of peppery land cress. There was still some oil left over from the arancini I’d fried the night before—waste not, want not—and some panko crumbs, parmesan and parsley in the fridge to make the perfect crumb. My body whispered: crispy parmesan mushroom sandwich—and who am I to deny her?

Here’s how our journey unfolded…

I sliced the baguette clean down the middle, slathered both sides with a generous amount of mayo, and toasted it mayo-side down in a hot pan until it was glistening and golden. Next: a heavy layer of gooey, ripe French brie to melt slightly into the warmth of the bread. Then came a handful of peppery cress, unruly and fresh. Enter the main event—panko-parmesan crusted portobello mushrooms, fried until juicy, golden and obscenely crunchy. Over that: a heap of balsamic honey-caramelised onions, sticky and rich and to cut through the fat—some cheeky little slices of pickled radish.

It was hot. It was messy. It was everything I could have hoped for.

And now, my loves, here’s the recipe—you’re getting it on a Sunday this week because it didn’t feel right to send this first thing on a Monday morning. May it feed your weekend hungers and nourish your loins.